This week’s question: 

I really need more help, but don’t know who to ask and don’t want to burden my children. They are already so busy. What do I do?

While it is true that adult children often lead very busy lives, many still want to contribute to the caregiving process, and often express feelings of guilt that they have not been able to help their ailing parents as much as they would like. Everyone has a need to be needed, and adult children are no different; adult children will often call us with the desire to help their parents, but feel guilty because they are unsure how to do so. Their parents are not ready to accept help, or they are worried about overstepping their bounds and upsetting their parents.

Because of this, we encourage families to have open and honest conversations about their diagnoses. This means that you and your family members must discuss not only how difficult things are becoming and that you need help, but also what type of help will be the most beneficial for everyone in the family based on what everyone can offer.

With that in mind, it is also important to keep realistic expectations and remember what each person can offer will vary, depending on the surrounding circumstances. An adult may have a strong desire to help their parents, but may not be able to provide daily care and/or transportation due to living long distance, working long hours, etc. However, they can find other ways to help, through means such as phone calls, emotional support, researching resources, or perhaps financially.  Adult children living locally may be able to help with everyday tasks such as shopping, household chores, appointments, and more.

In the case that your adult children are not able to provide you with the additional care you need, it may be time to discuss alternative care options such as adult day care or assisted living. Our Helpline can assist by facilitating free family meetings to help you and your loved ones navigate through these difficult conversations to come up with a plan as you move forward, together.


Have questions concerning Alzheimer’s, dementia, or other memory issues? We have answers.

As part of our array of programs and services for local families affected by Alzheimer’s and dementia, Alzheimer’s Orange County offers a free telephone helpline to answer any questions you may have about the disease. Whether you are someone experiencing dementia or other memory problems, a caregiver, or simply have questions about the disease, our experts are here to provide you with the information, resources, and advice that you need.

Our very own Helpline Specialists join us on our blog series to answer the most frequently asked questions that they encounter from caregivers and their loved ones, as well as their solutions to common issues and difficulties you may be experiencing.

Have a question about Alzheimer’s & dementia, but don’t see it here? Be sure to contact Alzheimer’s Orange County’s Helpline at 844-373-4400 and we will help. To see the other programs and resources that Alzheimer’s Orange County can offer to you and your loved ones, visit our website at